In democracy both a deep reverence and a sense of the comic are requisite.
I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.
Every man’s dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
The printing press is either the greatest blessing or the greatest curse of modern times, sometimes one forgets which it is.
Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
It’s been very important throughout my career that I’ve met all the guys I’ve copied, because at each stage they’ve said, ‘Don’t play like me, play like you.’
Give me a guitar and I’ll play; give me a stage and I’ll perform; give me an auditorium and I’ll fill it.
I really wanted to just be a musician. I didn’t want to be anything else, but I was funny and all that.
You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I’m a black actor, so I can’t really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go do my thing, and my jokes have got to be funny. Whatever I do has got to be great.
It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it’s very easy to surprise people.
I’ve been fortunate – I haven’t had too many auditions. I slept with the right people.
It was just the sort of yatch you’d expect a rock promoter to have. Mirrored ceilings, marble, Jacuzzis and leopard-skin everything, it made the merely vulgar seem commonplace.
Size does matter. There’s a lot of ways to make people feel good, but personally I think it does enhance things.
You don’t want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet.
Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.
If your sister is in a tearing hurry to go out and cannot catch your eye, she’s wearing your best sweater.
Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.
You find out in life that people really like you funny. So what do you give ’em? Humor. And then if you show them the other side, they don’t like you as much. I find, too, that I can hide behind the idiot’s mask being funny, and you never see the sorrow or the pain.
Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can’t help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.
It isn’t what they say about you, it’s what they whisper.
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.
Good-looking people turn me off. Myself included.
Confound these ancestors… They’ve stolen our best ideas!
Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?
Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.
Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.
A kiss, when all is said, what is it? A rosy dot placed on the ‘I’ in loving; Tis a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear.
Only a few things are really important.
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.
Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother.
It’s funny, we all really, really got along. I don’t know how it was in years past but this year, I was really with a good group of people. No one tried to sabotage each other or steal the other ones moments.
I think it’s because it’s so different and it takes risks. Plus, it’s really smart humor. It gives the audience credit in terms of not needing to tell them when to laugh. I love that about the show. There’s no laugh track.
And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don’t give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don’t talk about Fight Club.
Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don’t they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.