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I like my body so much more now since having my baby. It”s just kind of empowering when you become a mother. You just get overwhelmed with this new confidence and you feel really in control of your life. It”s been beautiful.

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Sometimes I would ride with my daughter in the car to go make transactions. A couple of times me, her and my baby mother would be in the car and you know we would kind of be riding dirty. So like I said, again man, I was very naïve.

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A woman doing comedy doesn’t offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.

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I’m feelin’ electric tonight<br> Cruising down the coast goin’ ’bout 99<br> Got my bad baby by my heavenly side<br> I know if I go, I’ll die happy tonight

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As you may know, KFC is under worldwide pressure to eliminate its cruelest abuses of chickens, such as cutting the beaks off baby birds; breeding chickens to grow so large, so quickly that many suffer crippling injuries; and slitting the birds’ throats or dropping them into tanks of scalding-hot water while they are still alive and able to feel pain.

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Grandad has a long and earnest conversation with his grandchild. He says, you are noisy and wiggly and will be sent back if you don’t pull herself together….The baby smiles complacently. She has him exactly where she wants him.

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The baby rises to its feet, takes a step, is overcome with triumph and joy – and falls flat on its face. It is a pattern for all that is to come! But learn from the bewildered baby. Lurch to your feet again. You’ll make the sofa in the end.

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If I had lady-spider legs, I would weave a sky where the stars lined up. Matresses would be tied down tight to their trucks, bodies would never crash through windshields. The moon would rise above the wine-dark sea and give babies only to maidens and musicians who had prayed long and hard. Lost girls wouldn’t need compasses or maps. They would find gingerbread paths to lead them out of the forest and home again. They would never sleep in silver boxes with white velvet sheets, not until they were wrinkled-paper grandmas and ready for the trip.

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Whatever it is probably won’t go away, so we might as well live and laugh through it. When we double over laughing, we’re bending so we won’t break. If you think your particular troubles are too heavy and too traumatic to laugh about, remember that laughing is like changing a baby’s diaper. It doesn’t solve any problems permanently, but it makes things more acceptable for awhile.

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To be a baby elephant must be wonderful. Surrounded by a loving family 24 hours a day. Touched by the family, cuddled and comforted. A tremendous love and compassion exuded by every family member. I think it must be how it ought to be, in a perfect world.

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When you approach your baby with an attitude of respect, you let him know what you intend to do and give him a chance to respond. You assume he is competent and involve him in his care and let him, as much as possible, solve his own problems. You give him plenty of physical freedom and you don’t push development.

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We not only respect babies, we demonstrate our respect every time we interact with them. Respecting a child means treating even the youngest infant as a unique human being, not as an object

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Every baby moves with more ease and efficiency if allowed to do it at his own time and in his own way, without our trying to teach him. A child who has always been allowed to move freely develops not only an agile body but also good judgment about what he can and cannot do.

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Set aside predictable, regular times to give full attention without being distracted by other concerns while also creating a safe, familiar place for baby to spend time playing alone.

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Apart from anything else, I am designed by evolution, like we all are: if we see a little thing like that, big eyes, tiny nose, we go ‘aaah’. That’s what evolution does. We are programmed to do that. So to find babies the most amazing, isn’t surprising, I don’t think.

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I think the hard thing about this job [stand-up] I mean, I think this part is great but that the traveling is y’know, ’cause ’cause I’m gone a lot from home and this time I’m out for three-and-a-half weeks without going home, and that’s hard, to be gone three-and-a-half weeks ’cause then I have to ask my friends, &quot;Would you mind going to the house and watering the plants, and turn some lights on and make it look like somebody’s home, and make sure that the mobile over the crib isn’t tangled or the baby’s gonna get bored.